I'm Just Me

Okay, I've realized I am not going to change for anyone, even if I wanted to. I am me, nothing more and nothing less. I am human. What exactly does that mean? It means I make mistakes, I am confused, I am irritated, I am a mess, a wreck holding onto anything and everything I can while I ride the roller-coaster of life. Oh? That's what you are too? Well I am nothing you want, trust me. Why? Because I am fucking complicated:

I get irritated when people 'enter' through the 'exit' door at supermarkets when I'm trying to get out, and even more irritated when people 'exit' through the 'enter' door when I'm trying to get in

I cannot, and will not, under any circumstance, drink out of a glass at any ones house unless it is rinsed under the sink

Sometimes I lie about where I am at, and what I am doing, merely to avoid people I don't like

I won't take a shower when its raining

I can go from loving someone to hating them in a matter of minutes, and stick to it

If I pull out in front of someone on the road, I feel the need to exceed 3RPM, and It pisses me off when they don't do the same

I smell everything I eat before I eat it, as a precaution to make sure i'm not being poisoned

I can't go anywhere without my cellphone

I am two-faced, and very nice to some people I honestly can't stand

I like new music, or whatever is popular, and I refuse to change that, I like what everyone else likes.

Im OCD, and it may be undiagnosed, but don't argue with me over it

I say i'm going to do a lot of things that frankly, I am NEVER going to do

I may act 110% into something someone is saying, but honestly I could care less

I change my mind very easily, and I won't let people know when I do so

I order Mcdonald's cheeseburgers with everything on it, and wipe it all off, rather than ordering it plain

If I don't answer the phone the second time, I am obviously ignoring you

I refuse to lick envelopes, I have no reason for it, but I refuse

If someone is going to AIM me, they better consolidate their thoughts in one message

sending

messages like

this pisses me off

I could continue, but there is only 24 hours in a day. I am me, and I will do as I want, when I want, how I want.

A Key to the Soul

When you look at a person you probably first notice the clothes their wearing, the way they have their hair done, or the way they walk. It could be something as insignificant as the way they hold themselves as a person...

I notice eyes. Eyes are the key to a persons soul, some say. I hold that to be true. I can take one look into someones eyes, and something life-changing can happen. I don't normally go with my gut feeling, but when something so powerful can overtake me, consume me like a virus, something as simple as a glance, it's almost impossible not to.

Why try to force something that doesn't exist? What is reality anymore? These questions, I find myself asking day and day again, yet never discovering the solutions, the answers, the relief.

Its quite heart-wrenching how something can turn into nothing, so we as humans, as lovers, try to do the opposite, and turn nothing into something, just because it fits the genre and critique we have in our mindset. It's the equivalent of sticking the square peg in the round hole: no matter how much time and effort you put into it, no matter how many different ways you try to make it work, in the end, it just isn't.

When I look into your eyes, I see the love I have always wanted.
When I look into your eyes, I see the stability I have always needed.
When I look into your eyes, I see the life I have always dreamed of...

But when I stare into your eyes, deep into your heart, I see that everything thus far, has been created in my mind. In recent events, I feel as though my eyes cannot express my feelings, and my words and actions do no justice.

I may never understand why I don't mean everything to you, but simultaneously, I don't understand why he doesn't mean everything to me. It's only when you look me in the eyes, that I must face the truth.

"He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be...He says all the right things, at exactly the right time...but he means nothing to you
And you don't know why. You're waiting for someone, to put you together. You're waiting for someone to push you away....There's always another wound to discover, there's always something more you wish he'd say. But you'll just sit tight, and watch it unwind....It's only what you're asking for And you'll be just fine, with all of your time, it's only what you're waiting for..."